February 5th, 2014

On the 37th day I learned to listen and through the snowblower to the scraping of shovel against asphalt I heard things and marked them Billy was born in 1959 in Chatham, Kent, and still lives there just about making a living I want love to stick a knife into me and twist it all around If you're in the housework mood just come by my apartment here's some water It is hard not to narrate this is New England  The amateur does things for love, and belief, not for the mortgage. There is a a snowball fight in the park tonight and also it is 1969 in Liverpool but only because Georgia's mother always told me I looked like it was 1969 in Liverpool so I did that kind of makeup this morning in the bathroom and now my eyelashes are sticking together and the skin around my eyes feels heavy and it is also 2014 in Hartford and there is a snowball fight in the park tonight. I don't do things I don't want to do. I don't do it as drugs and alcohol I didn't want to go to contemporary art galleries and watch people take cocaine. At night and I can't sleep at night. Ease. And there's hope. I ain't ashamed to say. We believe in the thrust. (American car commercial) I never bother waiting for ideas. That would be a waste of time. Ideas aren't anything to do with it. You just got to try and carry on. not Chatham cool to walk down the road holding a painting above your head. There are lessons everywhere.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9YtqJrWQyw0

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iErNRBTPbEc&feature=kp

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-0BhmaoPNqA

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XiLzLtnipFM


February 4th, 2014

 Happiness looks like a lot of different things. For instance, today it looked like a field
of fresh snow. At lunch I walked to get coffee and the man at Dunkin Donuts said you 
are a teacher? yes. Of what, English? Yes. I need help. Will you help me? I said yes.
What else do you say? When I move to another country I trust there will be ever so many
people ready to give me lessons in the language and if there are not I will guess at the
language in ways that are often not appropriate and it will be humbling. I walked back
in the middle of the road and this was its own pleasure. And then there were parent teacher    conferences and that was also its own pleasure. In between everything was more coffee.
I realized three days ago I was talking to myself, and today I realized I was writing for myself.
That is growth. And here we are at gardening again. I am learning the smell of dirt and the
pride of earth in the creases of my hands. When I walked back to the school two girls in love
let me in the locked door and before it opened it I saw my smile lines reflected in the glass
catch the sun. They shone and the white in my hair was like silver and this is too much I said,
too much finery for me. Give me a burlap sack and a string and I'll make a gown.