March 31st, 2014

Sean said something that I almost cannot remember now, something in his own defense or
at my expense, but either way it was clever, and his blue eyes rippled like a puddle of just-fallen rain. I woke up to snow, at least an inch, and this was the last thing I expected after my non-drug-induced-though-it-felt-drug-induced sleep. It was 10 or 11 hours, the sleep, and in my dreams I was falling in love with a man who belonged to another woman and I felt only disgust for the
man and compassion for the woman especially because she was no longer beautiful, although, I couldn't imagine ever finding her so, and in his bed waiting for him to take me I looked outside and saw her, crying in the backyard, and helped her climb through the window and we waited
to confront him together. He seemed unconcerned and didn't understand why we all three could not be lovers. She was upset, but not with me, and I didn't mind the idea but only because I had
decided I did not want to fall in love after all. I woke up to Brett coughing and Genna in Florida and enough snow to soak my shirt sleeve wiping off the windshield. You're not  proud of me. You're proud of me like you're proud of a student who doesn't misspell the word 'cat'. Sean said, and then we smiled, both proud of such a simile.