March 3rd, 2014

I mostly slept today and wondered why my sleepiness persists
and tomorrow I must go back to everything I haven't had the
energy to face. I feel very much like I'm floating. Particularly
right now as I lie in bed and wait for sleep, but in general in my
life as well. Have you ever had to confront yourself outside
of yourself? Seen a video, picture, heard your voice when you
hadn't authorized it? Well, in addition to floating, I feel that I
am beginning a long confrontation with these selves of mine
I don't know. I only know my mirror self and she isn't what
everyone else sees. She is shy and tailored to my eye. She is
lovely and thin and pale and very very nervous about the outside.
What everyone else sees is a ragged hair cut and bigness; big
eyes, big lips, big hips, big breasts, big arms and big legs.
Big smile. I am cracking porcelain, but I appear as a blowup doll.