May 20th, 2014

there are too many things to say to really begin
when i held that tree i felt a pulse i didn't really
believe i would ever again feel. it seemed to manifest
arms and lifted them to touch my back. the lilacs
were almost in bloom and i reached up to take a
bunch. my stomach continues to ache and my throat
is dry and my head pounds. You'll miss tomorrow
miss they said. no, I can't. tomorrow is a quiz and
what am I sick with? I think it is only spring fever
and i think the cure is in daily hikes and keeping to my
schedule. Has it always been this way in the spring?
Yes. yes it has. since the first swallow opened its mouth
to sing and the first lover watched the pulse
of the soft bird neck as he lowered himself to her lips.

May 19th, 2014

Do you remember the bleeding hearts? How pink they were, how very thoroughly and completely the color with no apologies, and how they clashed with the Japanese maple, and how they were cheerful in spite of the bleeding? I ran only in intervals tonight because that is where my
body is right now, but as I ran, I felt my muscles lengthen and break and grow and I avoided the roots in the path, and even danced, twirling and throwing my arms up when I was sure no one else was there. I reached the top and didn't pause, I had not time to waste, and ran back down the
path. My thoughts were not yet untangled and this was okay because I still had the silence and space of the woods in which to be tangled and un. I stopped at the rock with words on it I couldn't read and all the thinking I had done caught in my throat and came out like sob. My eyes blurred
and a tree before me called to me. I ran to it and fell against its solid bark and it said, that's fine girl, cry. There is a lot to cry about, and the earth is hurting as much as you are. I am not an animist but I felt this tree's soul, and I swear we both shook a bit when I broke apart from its arms. I didn't know yet, but tomorrow I would come back and wrap my arms around every tree until I found this one again.